Archives For wisdom

mistakes_blog

MAKE MORE MISTAKES

“The wisest man/woman in the room is the one who’s made the most mistakes. We all make mistakes, no one is perfect, but if you don’t learn from those mistakes, then that’s all they are . . Mistakes.”

I can’t take full credit for the quote above, as its a mixture of something I heard somewhere else with the addition of my own thoughts in the second sentence, but the truth in this little statement is so huge and powerful.  Life is full of successes, but filled with even more mistakes.  In fact, I think that it can be said with much certainty that very rarely will you have success without making a few mistakes.

So what is a mistake?  Can we define it as an accident?  A failure?  Using poor judgment or making “bad” decisions?  I think it’s all of those things and more.  Our mistakes can probably be classified as anything and everything in our life that has brought about hurt, pain, suffering, disappointment, heart ache, frustration, and even sadness.  Many of you can relate, you’re either going through a “mistake” right now or struggling to ensure that you don’t make one.  It’s part of daily life and yes, making mistakes sucks.

I remember going through a divorce about 6 years ago and feeling like such a failure.  I had been married 12 years and with that person for over 18 yrs.  That’s half of my life!  Regardless of the reasons for the divorce, I did love that person whole heartedly and I fought for the marriage as long as I could so I have no regrets.  It’s not something that either of us ever wanted, but it happened, and was definitely a failure and disappointment, not to mention a very sad part of both of our lives.  But with that said, I can sit here and type this all out and say that I am much wiser after going through that, and as a “mistake” in my life it provided experiences that I felt I learned from and I worked to apply what I learned in the next relationship.  Unfortunately the next relationship had it’s own share of struggles and after having that person abandon the relationship, I found myself alone for the first time in my adult life with lots of time to reflect on mistakes, lessons learned, and all the time in the world to work on myself.

EMBRACE YOUR MISTAKES

Does a “mistake” like a failed marriage or relationship make me want to be on guard with my heart or love less?  I’m definitely guarded, but my failures make me want to love even more and cause me to want to give the next person more love than others in the past.  I have a lot of love to give away regardless and when i love I love with all of my heart.

The same goes for other areas in my life such as business.  I can’t tell you how many mistakes I’ve made over the years doing business or at least trying to.  I’ve lost so much money in the past on ventures that I later felt were a waste of time and energy, but I learned from them.  Some lessons learned took longer than others, but I’m wiser from them none the less.  I remember hosting BMX Flatland events from 1999 – 2006 in an effort to push an apparel brand as well as help promote the sport.  I did it out of love for BMX but I wasn’t a smart business man and I lost money every year.  Flatland is a small part of BMX and there isn’t enough involvement to help sustain these types of events, so 2006 was the last event for the Elevation Flatland series.  I get asked all the time to host another series or flatland event but with the help of my good friend Cisco, I’ve taken what I learned from that time and turned it into one of the largest outdoor bicycle festivals in Houston called the HTX Bike Fest which celebrates it’s 5th year this September 2016.

ALLOW YOURSELF AND OTHERS TO MAKE MISTAKES

Making mistakes is a fact of life.  If you’re in a relationship, you and your partner both are going to mess up and it’s important to give each other room to do so.  Some “mess ups” will be “bigger” than others but the both of you need to give one another room to mess up, over and over again.  I don’t know where this ability to forgive comes from but in my past two relationships, one being my marriage, I was put in positions to have to forgive many many times.  I could have given up and walked away but I loved the people I was with and I wanted to give each forgiveness that I too would need at some point.  No couple is able to celebrate 10, 20, or even 50 years of marriage without having made 1,000’s of mistakes along the way.

So if you’ve had many failures, made many mistakes, and are even in the middle of the hurt or disappointment, know that you are a wiser person because of it all.  Learn from these mistakes and do something different because of your new wisdom.  Don’t ever give up on yourself or on others.  If we could all understand that every single one of us is an imperfect human being and that we’re going to make mistakes, there would be a lot more forgiveness in the world.

If you don’t allow your mistakes to produce change inside of your mind and heart, then all you will ever be able to say is that you made a mistake, and that in itself is a big mistake.

Make more mistakes, but not on purpose.

@hectorgarciahtx

milliondollarbaby

BETTER PART 5:  WHO’S IN YOUR CORNER?

In the boxing movie Million Dollar Baby, Clint Eastwood’s new female boxing project named Maggie, played by Hillary Swank, ends up having to face her first opponent with some unknown business man/fight promoter as her manager.  Frankie Dunn, Clint’s character, is hard nosed and only promised Maggie that he would train her and not go any further.

This first fight exposes a few of Maggie’s weaknesses, while Frankie sits in the stands frustrated with some of her fighting mistakes.  In her corner is her “manager” who of course is only interested in making some cash off the fight, not very much concerned about his fighter.  Not being able to take anymore torture, Frankie leaves the stands and ends up on the side of the ring coaching Maggie with swiftness.  In those few minutes Frankie decides to take on the role of manager and by the next round Maggie takes out her opponent.

Maggie wouldn’t have been able to win that first fight, or many after that if she didn’t have good people in her corner coaching and guiding her.  It made all the difference in the world to have Frankie step in and tell her exactly what she needed to do.  Having a corner full of good people is important to every one of us.  There’s no reason for any of us to go through life’s challenges without the help of friends, family, and people that truly care about us.

With this said, I ask you this question:  Who’s in your corner?  Who do you have speaking into your life and offering counsel on a daily basis.  Who do you entrust with the important and most valuable parts of your life?  Are they giving good counsel?  Solid counsel?  Unbiased counsel?  Do they have your best interests in mind or do they simply tell you what you want to hear?

There’s really only two kinds of people you want in your corner:  honest people and experienced people.

HONESTY

If you’re going to give permission to people to speak into your life and give you counsel, you want people that are always going to shoot straight with you and not hold back.  Of course we want people to tell us what we’d like to hear, but that really does us no good.  That type of counsel might make us feel good for a little bit, but it’s temporary.

I have several people that know they have permission to be very blunt and honest with me.  They know that they don’t have to take my feelings into account and that I WANT them to be 100% honest with me.  Some call it “tough love”, but why should pure honesty be referred to as “tough”?  Being straight with a friend or family member and not holding anything back is simply love, and it’s only “tough” because most of the time it’s not what we want to hear.

So evaluate your friends and family or your “support systems”.  Make sure they’re shooting straight with you.  If the counsel they give you doesn’t make you uncomfortable, then maybe they’re not giving you honest counsel.  And if you had people in your life that did shoot straight and you removed yourself from them because you didn’t like what you were hearing, bring those people back in.  You need them more than you know.

EXPERIENCE

In addition to having honest people giving us counsel, you want people that know what they’re talking about.  Maggie, the boxer, had an experienced fighter in her corner who taught her everything she needed to know.  All he had to do during a fight was be there in the corner with her, occasionally reminding her of what she had already been taught.

If you’re struggling with something or going through a crisis, why have someone or more than one person in your corner who’s worse off than you?  Yes, it’s good to have people to lean on who have been there or are going through the same thing, but they shouldn’t be the only ones in your corner.  Allow older, wiser people to stand by you.  People that may have been there in the past but succeeded at some point and learned from their mistakes.  People that are full of wisdom and strength that can actually “carry” you.  Allow people that will not only hold you by the hand while you go through your crap, but those that will actually do some hard work and stand behind you and push you from behind to help you get up the mountain.

Be sure that your corner includes experience that resulted in successful results, not just someone or others that went through something similar, yet never really learned from it.  You also want to be careful that there is no bias in your corner, a person that might be bitter or filter everything through hate or dislike, for example someone that may have experienced a bad relationship and now walks around mad at men or women.  This can prove to be poisonous and have nothing to do with experience.

I’m sure we can all agree that this life is not easy and will come with daily challenges.  I’m thankful for the people in my life that are always there ready to not only hold my hand, but also slap me in the back of the head when I’m not seeing clearly.  Take a step back today, wipe your lenses, and make an effort to see more clearly.  Make whatever changes you need to make today so that you fill up your corner with good, solid, honest, and experienced people, and then enjoy a very awesome and maybe even a lazy Sunday.

@hectorgarciahtx