One of the most popular phrases that we’ve all heard at least once and will continue to hear is that “life isn’t easy”.  It’s really not and for some it’s an every day balance between work, kids, school, activities, debt, relationships, friendships, play, and family.  If we’re not careful, life can beat the crap out of us and keep us down for long stretches of time.

But the hardness of life doesn’t have to defeat us or win.  We can choose everyday to fight back and allow the good things in life to supercede the bad.  We can make the choice to wake up every morning and be happy or find at least one tiny little thing to focus on that will keep our head above water for that day.  For some it’s their kids or mate.  For others it can be their faith in God.  Some even find it in a hobby, sport, or even their craft.  Whatever the case, I feel like there are at least three things that we can do everyday that will always make it good a one.

LIVE.

I’ve had someone tell me before, “I love the way that you live life”.  This was of course in response to seeing all the stuff that I do and how much fun I’m always trying to have.  Regardless of how tough things might be, I really do love life.  I enjoy living and experiencing all that life has to offer.  If I could afford it, I would travel the world and see as much of it as I could.  I do what I can now with what I have, but this life was meant to live and that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m a little kid in a man’s body per se, and yes, I do want to have as much fun as possible.  Just seems like the natural way to live.

Every morning when you wake up, choose to Live.  Don’t get caught up in the routines of life.   Make the most of everyday.  Treat yourself.  Have fun.  Take time out to have fun, however that may be.  And if you have a hard time treating yourself, get someone to help push you and force you to make time.  Take trips.  Go running.  Swim.  Ride a bike.  Do something good for someone else.  Give.  Dance, even if it’s by yourself in your home with the radio full volume.  Move yourself to get the most out of every single stinkin day of your life.  This life is too short to get caught up in the crap that it throws at us everyday.

LOVE.

I firmly believe that Life without Love is no life at all.  There are so many different forms of love.  There’s the love that you have for your kids or family.  There’s love that you would feel towards a friend.  And then there’s straight up falling in love, which is one of my favorites.  But love is essential if we are going to say that we’re “living life”.

I’ve been “blessed” with such a big heart and the ability to love and forgive so easily.  Sometimes it’s a blessing and sometimes it feels like a curse, but I definitely wear my heart on my sleeve and I’m not ashamed of it.  Those who know me well know that I have no problem expressing my feelings and sharing my heart.  Again, life is too short to keep what we feel bottled up inside and all to ourselves.  If I love someone why keep it inside?  Why not let that person know how much they are loved?  We all want to be loved and appreciated, so by me keeping that inside, I’m depriving someone from receiving one of the most powerful feelings and emotions we as humans could ever experience.

Open your heart today.  Allow yourself to love and be loved.  Don’t be afraid to wear your heart on your sleeve and let others know what you feel or think.  We’re emotional beings and were created to love.  Love with all of your heart.  There should be no such thing as loving with half of it anyway, right?  Choose to love today.  Give love today.  And if someone loves you, open your heart and receive it.

LAUGH.

Some research shows that by the time the average kid reaches kindergarten, he or she is laughing some 300 times each day.  Compare that to adults who only laugh about 15 - 17 times per day (men and women laugh about the same, just at different things of course).

I’m 38 years old, and I would have to say that my laughter count is more than likely way more than 17 and hopefully closer to that of a kid’s.  I love to laugh and I love making people laugh.  A day without any laughter would suck!  We all know how powerful laughter is too, because we’ve all had a friend or family member who has been down or sad and what is one of the first things that we try to do for them?  Yep, we try to make them laugh or bring a smile to their face.

Laughter just feels good.  It’s a physical and audible way of our bodies expressing happiness.  So be happy today and laugh.  Laugh alot.  Let the kid inside of you come out and play.  Again, life is too short to take it too seriously.  This life is over before you know it, so why not fill it with laughter and peeing your pants (that’s what happens when something is super funny). 

Have a good day everyone.  Live. Love. Laugh.

- Hector

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Right now i’m sitting in a small restaurant / bar / pub (i think) and I’m sitting alone, only because my lunch meeting had to reschedule.  So of course, I have my handy little companion called my laptop sitting in the truck, and it makes up for the missing person, kinda, but not really.

So here I am, eating a great bbq bacon burger and fries and chillin to some decent music.  The rain outside and the ambiance within this semi cozy / dark place makes it perfect for a little bit of writing.  And I’m always ready to write, especially since my tiny little brain never stops and always has something to say.

What I want to share today has to do with relationships and more specific, marriage.  By the way, I’m married, and have been for almost 13 years.  You learn a lot about a person in 13 years, 18 if you count how long we’ve known each other.  But one thing you never really learn is how to handle conflict or crisis.  And this is mainly because every crisis or problem is different.  Add to this the fact that no two people are ever at the same places in life or at the same place and mindset that they were during the last conflict you had to deal with.  Conflict sucks but it’s part of life and definitely part of relationships. How we handle conflict is the key though and here are 3 things that I do know need to happen during times of conflict if two people hope to get through it together.

ONE. It’s important for any couple, married or not, to look at the relationship as two people on the same team.  If you view each other as team mates, playing for the same team, then anytime there’s a conflict or crisis, it will hopefully be natural to look at the problem as an outside force, working against both of you, not both of you working against one another.  This also helps keep two people from pointing the finger at one another.  Placing blame sucks and it’s usually the biggest hurdle to overcome during conflict, especially if you feel the other person “did you wrong”.  Working as a team changes the perspective, even if there is a “victim” and it allows both people to ask the question “How do WE get through this?”, rather than either person asking how THEY will get through it on their own.

TWO. You hear all the time that communication is the key to any relationship.  Well, after being married for only 13 years, I can say that this really is the number one key.  If two people can’t communicate effectively, it will be very difficult to settle anything or come to any kind of resolution during conflict.  A good example of this would be where one person is the one who speaks up all the time, and the other “shuts down” because they don’t like dealing with conflict.  Sometimes there’s a partner who doesn’t really know how to deal with conflict so they prefer to say nothing at all and have a difficult time expressing themselves.  Whatever the case, two people can find a way to communicate effectively and those lines of communication should always be open and taken advantage of.  We’re all human and no one on this earth is a mind reader, so please don’t expect your partner to read yours.  It’s very simple.  Both people should work to always provide a safe haven of communication and both should simply say what’s on their heart and mind.  Always be honest with your feelings and don’t hold anything back.

THREE. Couples should never, ever choose to handle “major” conflict on their own.  Most stuff of course can be dealt with between two people, but when the conflict clearly becomes greater than the two, both should agree that the right thing to do would be to bring someone in as a mediator.  A mediator helps in so many ways.  They can help two people see more clearly and give an outside perspective.  If there’s a lot of arguing and an inability to communicate effectively, a good mediator helps direct the conversation in the right direction and can help remove any obstacles that might be the culprit for the poor communication.  The simple fact that two people would try to handle a major crisis on their own is a clear sign that they should get some outside help.  Sometimes we have close friends that would serve as great mediators, but it would be wise to get an expert or skilled mediator involved at some point.

Relationships take a lot of work.  The key, I believe, to any successful relationship, is for both people to put the other first and serve the other person.  If you have two people that are working to put the other before themselves, you can’t lose.  Out-give your partner.  Out-love them.  Out-cherish them.  Out-serve them.  Live like this and you’ll be out-smarting the many things that work to destroy most relationships and marriages.

(Note:  This was started yesterday.  After I left the restaurant, I walked out the door, slipped on wet decking wood, and crushed my laptop.  I know, it was fun.)

- @hectorgarcia

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